Part of the Mazatlan Carnaval experience is its elaborate parade...an endless sea of fantastic floats, beauty queens, musicians and dancers winding their way along the waterfront. Indigo, Sea Dancer and Harmony caught a red troca (canopy covered pickup truck) to a bayside hotel where we witnessed the grandeur in comfort!

AguaMarina
For 900 pesos ($50) per couple, the AguaMarina hotel puts on a nice buffet dinner with parade view seating. Again, when you need to wait 5 hours for the event, the beauty of purchasing tickets is having chairs and access to a real bathroom. (I’m beginning to sound like I’m 100 years old… only concerned with restrooms and standing… but seriously, I’d been sick and didn’t need the germfest of disgusting portapotties or to be exhausted after standing all day in the sun.) We received numbered wrist bands with matching numbered chairs so no one could infringe on our space. Surprisingly, the seating was tiered, providing us a perfect seated view of the parade.  

Commercial Parade
The commercial sponsors have their own parade before the main show. So we got a 2-fer. Gaspasa (gas company), TelCel (cell phones) and others, construct elaborate advertising floats, often using company vehicles. But, in the case of the bus company…no decoration required. I imagine the float planning committee is run by Ron Swanson of Parks and Rec: “What are we going to do for Carnaval this year, Ron?” “Just drive the bus, what else?” Silence. “OK, fine, you can plop a t-shirt-throwing chick on top, but just one.” Meeting adjourned.

Pacifico Procession
The main sponsor is Pacifico. Started in Mazatlan by German immigrants back in 1900, this company (a city institution, really) still operates its large factory near the cruise ship harbor. So it wasn’t surprising to see Pacifico headlining the commercial docket with an envoy of vehicles, including a gigantic semi-tractor trailer brimming with musicians and scantily-clad Pacifico Girls topped with a mini remote-controlled Pacifico Blimp launched into the air right from the flatbed. A parade within a parade… before the real parade.

Wiggin’ It
Pre-parade people watching was interesting stuff. The ever-present Carnaval masks were a hit as usual, but colorful wigs and cool hats ruled. We saw kids with long purple hair down to their ankles, guys and girls in gigantic 70’s afros, a couple sporting Mario and Luigi hats, Spiderman masks, even a super creepy Mad-Hatter disguise.

Need More Lasers
Confetti flew everywhere, spit out in streams at spectators from every other float. In the early years of Carnaval, hollowed eggs were filled with flour and flung at floats and spectators alike, causing a huge mess. Eventually, confetti eggs replaced flour as a better alternative. Management has since cracked down on projectile-throwing for safety reasons. But now we have LASERS! Yes, you too can buy a laser and shine it in your fellow float-riders eyes, blinding them for life. But it’s so much SAFER. And more environmentally friendly.

The Real Parade
While the commercial parade began in daylight, we waited at least another hour for the main attraction. Dark by now, we could see the lights of the procession across the bay, crawling at a snail’s pace along the concave oceanfront boulevard. Then the first float arrived, and we were treated with an endless array of elaborately lit structures, smiling, beautiful women in sashes doing the queen wave, live musicians trying to overpower their competition on the preceding float, confetti blowers and t-shirt throwers, fake eyelashes, sequined dresses and tight gold lamé shorts. Dancing teams (one performing to Saturday Night Fever of all songs) and dozens of mariachi and banda bands marched in between. This year’s Carnaval theme was “The allegory that emerged from the waves”.  So, all the floats tended to be ocean-related and/or Atlantis-themed. Lots of Greek columns, dolphins, shells, seahorses, coral, ships, even a giant lobster. The evening convoy ended with dozens of prancing horses, all in alignment, hooves lifting daintily.

Effervescent Child Queen
While there were many grand floats, the highlight of the night was the Child Queen float. We saw this amazing 8-yr old at the selection ceremony in the town square and she was every bit as cute tonight. Having an absolute ball, Emilia grinned ear to ear, waving and blowing kisses and looking everyone in the eye like a pro. Then she’d break into dance, boogying on her bouncy “manta ray” perch. After many miles and countless waves, there was no posing, just honesty…a grateful Queen expressing love for “her people”. And the people adored her right back. Maybe one day she’ll be President.

Family Friendly Carnaval
If you are looking for a family-friendly Carnaval to attend, Mazatlan is it. We highly recommend the experience. Just book your hotel early! Despite the sheer numbers of people, the crowds were respectful and getting around town wasn’t too bad. We saw nothing salacious, just a lot of pretty people in pretty costumes and loud music. If you're looking for skin-flashing, drunken revelers or thong-wearing dancers, move along… this is not the droid you're looking for...

We stayed in Mazatlan for Carnaval, even though large cities coupled with the influx of a major horde of visitors isn’t our thing. In fact, we usually do everything in our power to stay far, far away from such crowds. Well, we are already here… we kept hearing how great the parade and fireworks are... we got tips on how to “view Carnaval in comfort”…hmmm, a once in a lifetime opportunity? Only 3 weeks away? This IS part of the reason people go cruising, right? To experience unique and fantastic things? Plus, we wanted to get a couple projects done on the boat and had found a great canvas guy and proficient stainless steel welder to do some work while we wait.

Book Early
Carnaval is a BIG deal here. Some say Mazatlan hosts the world’s 3rd largest Carnaval, after Rio and New Orleans. Held the week before Lent for the past 118 years, it’s also the oldest Carnaval in Mexico. This city of ½ a million doubles in size with visitors before and after the week-long fiesta. Don’t bother trying to get a hotel room last minute; El Cid was booked solid well in advance (rumor is at a pricey $300 a night…expensive, even for Mexico). Luckily, slip renters are not charged this Carnaval “premium”.

Puerto Viejo Restaurant Viewing Area
One major Carnaval event is a massive…and I mean MASSIVE… fireworks display, symbolizing the 1864 battle during which French forces tried to overtake the city. We had reservations at Puerto Viejo, a small, open-air restaurant across from the ocean at Olas Altas Beach near the Freeman Hotel. Our vantage point was spectacular. To give spatial context: the restaurant faces the main drag, directly across from us on the opposite side of the street is a musical stage set up on the boardwalk which we can see from our table. Right in back of that is the beach lined with a cadre of fireworks guys. Before the crowd shows up, we walk a bit and see the fireworks staged in the sand not 200 yards away from our restaurant and mere FEET away from beach-sitting spectators. SO not OSHA-approved. Oooh, this is going to be interesting!

Advance Payment…in Person
We arrive at 5pm to ensure a decent parking spot and that our reservation wasn’t “accidentally” usurped. (Stop by a week or two in advance to pay for reservations and choose a table.) For 350 pesos pp ($20), we are allowed to sit at Puerto Viejo all night along. We drank Pacificos and munched on everything shrimp: shrimp tacos, shrimp quesadillas and shrimp nachos while waiting for the crowd to gather in the street and the festivities to begin. Over 5 hours!

Chairs and Bathrooms Make Happy Campers
We learned real quick that the KEY to this reservation arrangement is the chairs and the use of a clean bathroom. Standing for 5 hours was not high on our to-do list; squeezing our butts into a 1-foot area on a hard, cement seawall and not moving the entire time lest someone steal our spot was another alternative. Quality of life people: sometimes it PAYS to PAY for chairs and relatively clean restrooms… with toilet paper and working faucets…instead of braving a leaking portapotty. Heading back to the car: “Hey guys, what’s all this watery, smelly runoff flooding the back streets… it hasn’t rained.”  “Don’t ask…and don’t step in it, either.”

Packed Like Sardines
Nothing happens in Mexico ‘til after dark. Luckily we had a live band, good people-watching, good company and good conversation as distractions, so our wait was highly enjoyable. Gradually the crowd gathered on the street in front of our restaurant. By 9pm people were swarming, buzzing about choosing their final spot, standing cheek to cheek waiting for the show. Not a great place if claustrophobia is an issue. We were previously warned to wear toed shoes, wallets in front pockets, no loose purses or backpacks for obvious reasons. With thousands upon thousands of people packed tightly into the street, butt to boob, feet are bound to get a little mashed; protruding pockets invite potential for picking.

Sitting at the restaurant at 10pm, we joked that all the gringos are looking at our watches thinking: “When is this going to start? Don’t ALL fireworks shows start at 9:15pm? It’s past my bedtime!” But at 10pm the locals are just getting started! Eating dinner at 10pm and staying up ‘til 4am for a fiesta is normal. So as we were leaving at midnight heading out of the area, we noted all the young’uns headed IN, dressed to the nines and ready for a night on the town. Whew! Past my bedtime!

The Battle Begins
Around 10:30pm, the Mock Naval Battle finally commences. Mazatlan wins both then and now as a more spectacular pyro-technic display we have not seen, not even at Disneyworld. Barges anchored just off shore act as the French invader man-o-war “Le Cordeliere” setting off cannons from the water; the beach “defensive positions” return fire from multiple locations along the Malecon; bright white spotlights point out to sea while colored laser lights wildly splay over the crowd; the entire ½ hour spectacle is timed to a soundtrack.

While we couldn’t see the bombs “attacking” the ship since the stage was in our way, we were right in the thick of the beach battle. I mean… IN it! Strict U.S. fire safety regulations would have totally prohibited the crowd’s proximity. Here, colorful stars are exploding right above our heads, fired upwards from the beach directly in front of us. Multiple streamers shoot out towards the water like massive blow torches symbolizing arching, fiery cannonballs. We are virtually surrounded in a 3D half-dome, enveloped by fireworks. The crowd doesn’t move… each one of us is a star-struck, wide-eyed, giggling little kid. Ooooh, ahhhh, whooaa…What an amazing experience!

For proper perspective, watch the 5 minute VIDEO I uploaded to YouTube. Best video so far, although the music is distorted since we were right next to the speakers. Plus, you get to see our nephew’s Flat Jack (Flat Stanley’s friend) watching the fireworks with us.

Beehive Exit
Exiting the jam-packed street was like playing Mexican train for real. Reminiscent of a busy beehive, parallel and opposing conga lines quickly form… everyone slowly shuffles along, holding onto the hoodie or collar or hair of the person in front of you, hoping not to lose sight of them in the masses. Do not trip - you risk getting trampled. Although this is a very controlled crowd so I have a feeling you’d get stepped on by only a few people before someone would halt the procession.

Actually, we were quite impressed by the placidness of the mob… other than a couple irritable people, no setting fire to cars, no gunshots, no drunken disorderliness, no pushy-crazies. This isn’t LA after a lost Lakers game. Maybe that all happens afterwards, I mean it’s still early. Turns out, I heard there was somewhere around 100 arrests/citations for the entire night… and half of them were for peeing in the street. Wait, so THAT’s what I’ve been stepping in? Another reason not to wear flip-flops tonight.
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The Burning of Bad Humor
Every year on this same night, Mazatlan Carnaval burns in effigy a symbol of “bad humor” to dispel all evil so the rest of Carnaval can be “free of bad feelings”. A large piñata representing an evil individual (as voted on by locals) is strung up and paraded down the street. Stuffed with fireworks and set ablaze among the crowd, this is a much-anticipated event during the evening of the Naval Battle. We saw the effigy parade but didn’t want to wrestle through the crowd to watch the torching.  For this year’s effigy…they chose the infamous Donald Trump.

Now, before you start snorting with laughter or grinning with glee (I know who you are:), thinking how terribly funny or cool that is…think about it. I’m not a Trump fan. Let’s get that straight. But even I felt a tad bit insulted. This is Mexico still, right? Corrupt Mexican political figures seem to dominate the effigy spotlight year after year; and I know there is NO shortage of evil/corrupt politicians to choose from here. So, you mean to tell me that in this ENTIRE gigantic country, there’s not a SINGLE person who represents MORE EVIL than Trump, a foreigner? Are you kidding me?

Let’s have some context and compare Trump to last year’s appropriately evil effigy: a mayor and his wife. This couple ordered their corrupt police force to arrest 43 protesting student teachers and to, essentially, “make them go away”. Those police promptly handed the students over to the local cartel - all 43 have since “disappeared”. Quite the vile act, right? Now THAT’s a good effigy. Movie-worthy, actually.

What about a certain recently-re-captured, most-wanted, drug lord responsible for murdering thousands? THAT guy wasn’t on the list? Seriously? Well, I suppose the effigy committee is worried about retribution… I mean, if El Chapo finds out they burned his likeness, he’s liable to get pretty ticked off and have them all “made to go away” from his jail cell. So no, let’s go with a foreign political nominee, we just can’t think of anyone else.

But what do I know. One year they burned a likeness of the losing local baseball team. As luck would have it, this very night in fact, the local Mazatlan Venados baseball team won the 2016 Caribbean World Series. So the Venados are fortunately safe from the torch… at least as long as Trump keeps talking...which looks like it could be awhile!

Our time here in Mazatlan has been filled with a variety of cultural activities: from art walks to princess-crownings to plays.

Art Walk
Each month on a Friday afternoon, Mazatlan holds an Art Walk downtown in the old historic district. With printed map in hand, visitors wander around bustling plazas and quiet back streets in search of the next spot. Once inside, sip a glass of wine or snack on some queso and chips while perusing local art. The artists (either native Mazatlecos or retired gringos) are often available for questions/conversation or, of course, purchases. Some of the locations are boutique shops selling unique objects, some are artist’s flats, one happened to be an elaborate home with canvasses or murals in every room. Items range from paintings to photography to mixed media, even jewelry or textiles.

Paintings by Rafael Avila Tirado
My favorite was Rafael Avila Tirado who painted several beautiful works of caballeros and children; even his plain wooden & barbed wire fences were lovely. One thought-provoking piece stood out: a honeycomb with shrouded, sleeping individuals in bar-coded cells, one girl finally waking up and climbing out. Rafael was in the midst of finishing a work of 3 children sitting in a tiny aluminum washtub boat, gossamer sails flowing under a starry eve. Beautiful. I can’t find a website for his work but here is a YouTube video.

Artistic License
But there was one stop… oh, it was the worst. I was embarrassed by my overwhelming desire to take a photo, only to prove its demerit. So I refrained. How dare I subject you to the absurdity? Plus, displaying it to the world simply to mock its ridiculousness seemed a tich disrespectful. I would have had to take the photo right in front of the artist. I am critical, just not THAT malicious. But, that doesn’t mean I can’t mock it with words.

Picture a plain room of dull watercolor paintings, in the center of which is a large wooden table showcasing numerous small statues. Ceramic? Not sure. I couldn’t bring myself to study them intently, not wanting to show false interest. You see, every piece is the same: a 2” wide sock-like thing that tapers off at the end, each black and white zebra-print. Its mouth sits flat on the table, the sock rising vertically for several inches straight up, then it flops over like a gnome’s stocking hat. Whaaaat is THAT supposed to be? (Confusion amongst my fellow gallery attendees is obvious, but we try to remain poker-faced).

These obscure sculptures were bad enough, but every painting on the surrounding walls incorporated this weird zebra sock. Normal watercolor of a house… bam… add zebra sock up in the rafters. Japanese garden…bam…zebra sock. Whatever talent there MAY have been was completely lost due to her distracting zebra fixation. Some of these mundane watercolors revealed obvious misplaced drops of water from a dripping brush… and they weren’t even framed, just pieces of paper taped to the wall like children’s refrigerator art. Then more wall tchotchkes: 5” open notebooks, completely shellacked, bearing a single letter or word on a page. Seriously? Bathroom-worthy. Maaaybe. But ONLY because there was a distinct LACK of zebra sock...whew. Top that experience off with a price list forced upon us on entering… ugggh, this chic has a lot to learn.

But, wait… isn’t anything “art” in the eye of the beholder? Apparently. Look, I’m no art aficionado. Obviously at least ONE person thought it was gallery-worthy …and her art professor, I imagine. But these days, in the attempt of both parents and educators to prop up the self-esteem of our floundering children, we do them a great disservice. “Oh, honey that… zebra sock…thingy, it’s…um… beautiful. You should be an artist!” It should stop there – but then they pay for art school. The ever-doting American Idol parent has thus created a world full of talentless hacks who, once in the real world, cannot fathom why no one buys their art, gives them a recording contract or offers them a job.  OK, end of rant… I can rant once in a while, right?

Princesses on Display
On another evening, we sojourned downtown with Orlando and Linda on S/V “Cuba Libre” to Plaza Republica for a Carnaval preview. Not on the roster of major Carnaval events, this is a free “pep rally” of sorts intended to drum up support for the queen candidates and tally final vote counts. The night begins with live music, ornately costumed dancers performing traditional Spanish Flamenco and Caribbean styles. A subsequent parade of Carnaval candidates sashays across the stage flaunting dazzling dresses and shiny tuxedos. Each contestant for the King of Joy, Child Queen (7-8 yr olds) and the all-important position of Carnaval Queen beams with exuberance while gracefully double-handed-queen-waving at us onlookers for an hour (man, my arms would fall off if I ever had to wave that much).

Reminiscent of a political rally, contestants’ families and friends gather to garner support by sporting “Blanca” or “Felipe” t-shirts and carrying signs, complete with confetti bits blown about. Folks hoot n’ holler as their hopeful winner’s name is broadcast. The votes are tallied and the winners of the Carnaval King and Child Queen are announced that night (official coronation ceremonies take place later). Fireworks ensue; a celebration here is NOT complete without fireworks.

The selection of the 2016 Mazatlan Carnaval Queen is a separate and momentous occasion. The appointment itself is a highly coveted honor;  current and prior queens (going back 116 years) are treated like royalty. Crowned during Carnaval week in a theater-based, Miss-America-style pageant, contestants must excel in a similar question/answer and talent show gauntlet. I just have two cents: Why not have a queen-waving contest with points for gracefulness and timed ability – the longer you can keep both arms up and swaying above 45 degrees (while still smiling) the more points!

Gringo Theater
The longer we remain in Maz, the more unique activities we discover. One such place is called RecReo, a refurbished colonial structure turned recreation hall where expatriates put on small-scale English speaking plays, hold art galleries and show old movies. This group doesn’t have funds or space to do a real play with costumes or props, there’s not even a stage per se, although they do possess a few theater lights and a movie screen backdrop. Essentially a few actors sit in a small group in front of the audience, reading un-memorized lines to each other from screenplay booklets. Sounds a bit, well… odd. Right? Like I’m paying money to watch an audition?

I’d never heard of, nor attended, a “play-reading” prior. Surprisingly though, we relaxed in real, stadium movie theater seating while watching “The Cocktail Hour” with a full house of about 50 attendees. And it was actually quite good! Since the entire play took place in a family room with four actors, the audience doesn’t really need all that expensive scenery to tell an interesting story. If you feel the need to get your English theater on, this is the place to be.

Midget Cowboys
Here’s yet another unexpected cultural experience found in Mazatlan. We attended the above play-reading instead of the midget “Minion” cowboy rodeo show at the bullfighting arena that same night. Not kidding. Midget cowboys. Dressed as Minions (little yellow guys from the Pixar movie). What else is there to say? Wouldn’t THAT have been a great blog?